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About the Candidate

Name: William Olson
DOB: A gloriously temperate day upon a summer’s solstice in nineteen seventy-something.
Occupation: Author and publisher.
Political Experience: Candidate in a non-partisan election for Member of the Board of Trustees of the Schaumburg Township District Public Library, 2009.
Website: Nevermind an impersonal website, write me direct: [email protected]

Candidate Statement

Two hundred thirty years ago, the US Congress established an uniform rule of naturalization. White men who had resided in the US for two or more years could make application at any court of common law, and would thereupon be considered a citizen of the United States, as would their children. Yet in 2020, a derelict Congress appropriates billions of dollars to incarcerate children and others desirous of US citizenship.

Mi nombre es William Olson. Estoy postulando al Congreso de los Estados Unidos, y por el poder de un ciudadano, yo declaro Jefferson B Sessions III y Donald J Trump, enemigos of the state of Illinois. You might imagine, I have not a few opponents in the US Congress, yet two from Illinois deserve special mention.

My opponent for the US Senate consorts with a boorish band of nationalists. He dines with puppet opposition in Venezuela, and with Jared Kushner and Ivana Trump in the District of Columbia. He continues to pedal “a Dream” moreover, which has prolonged a nightmare of statelessness for millions of our friends and neighbors.

Meanwhile, constituents ought come to grips with my opponent for the US House, who is, I submit, a painted whore to our political circumstances.

The incumbent's sole legislative accomplishment to date was to have renamed a post office in Bloomingdale in honor of American Veterans, yet by his craven habits, he takes money from Lockheed Martin, Northrup Grumman, and Boeing--all manufacturers of war materials.

I was born, raised and schooled in Illinois, yet wheresoever I might reside, I will never consent to a rule of law which incarcerates children or bankrolls war. I have authored bills to re-establish an uniform rule of naturalization, and halt the manufacture of firearms.

If you select a democratic primary ballot in the 8th Congressional district of Illinois, between now and March 17th, you will find my name on it.

Candidate Q&A

Why are you running?

I’m over 30.

What is your vision for this office?

A modest vision: That it be vacated by a feckless sloth of representation and instead administered by a competent lawmaker.

What do you think is the most pressing issue facing your constituents and how do you plan on addressing it?

I am a candidate for the 117th US Congress, and thus consent to membership in a sickened body of idiocy made more repugnant by its dim comity. Yet constituents face myriad issues, many of which are more severe than pressing: Some face deportation, others the loss of parents and siblings and friends due to deportation. Some face loss of property, loss of income, losses in equity in their homes, and loss of trust in governments and media. Pressing are issues of violence borne of nearly one-half billion firearms in possession of US civilians, issues of taxation which support of an un- auditable Department of Defense, and issues of despotism related to powers of presidency. No person’s rights of expression or speech are unabridged, moreover, in a polity which tolerates authority adhering fraud.

Aggravating these and other issues that face our constituents is a crisis of citizenship which presently haunts persons and communities in the United States. Lawmakers have failed to redress injustices at law, and the Development, Relief, and Education of Alien Minors bill (Dream Bill), which has masqueraded as a solution to statelessness, sustains a nightmare for millions of persons and families. While a Congress snoozed, a knavish attorney general meanwhile compounded misery at the cold hand of a government, by promulgating barbaric practices more near nothing than the most pernicious part of slavery, which wrecked families, ruined a rule of law, and which have nested into American courts and bureaucracies. I have therefore authored a bill entitled An Act to Establish an Uniform Rule of Naturalization, which dispenses with exhaustive limitations and fantasies of paths, and instead provisions citizenship to those in the United States desirous of it. I share in the sentiments of constituents furthermore, who are unwilling to recognize as legitimate a government which abuses children or torches guardianship rights, and I submit to the judgment of reasonable constituents whether members of a Congress who voted to appropriate money to incarcerate children are not reprehensibly complicit to acts of state-sponsored terror.

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