Chicago-raised rock and roll pioneer Bo Diddley died in 2008 at the age of 79, but his music and his motor-mouth are immortal.

Yes, he was a legendary songwriter and storyteller, but recent evidence shows Bo Diddley could have had a second career as an advice columnist if he wanted.

A brief article making the rounds on the internet claims to show Diddley’s opinions on a wide range of subjects. The article has yet to be attributed to a specific magazine, but it seems authentic. After all, this is the man who once wrote “Loving you is like putting sneakers on a rooster,” and in another song observed: “I seen your new lady. She’s got everything a man would want. Hair on her chest, a moustache – everything a man would want.”

In his Dear Abby guise, Bo’s advice is usually sensible and often hilarious -- sometimes at the same time.

On money matters: “Always take a lawyer with you, and then bring another lawyer to watch him.”

On food: “Eat anytime, anything you can get your hands on. I mean it!”

On women: “If you don’t have no money, just smell right. And for God’s sake don’t be pulling on her and slapping on her. You don’t hit the girls! If you do this, you can’t miss.” [Note: Bo Diddley was one of the first rockers who had women in his band -- from the 1950s until the very end.]

But then there’s Bo’s inexplicable advice…on cows: “If they wanna play, and you don’t wanna make pets out of ‘em, and you can’t eat ‘em – then get rid of ‘em!”

“Bo Diddley’s Guide to Survival” is posted below. I searched the author but only found out there’s a prominent lawyer in New York with that name. If I ever meet him, I’ll ask him – and of course I’ll bring another lawyer to watch him.

Alcohol and Drugs: Only drink Grand Marnier, and that’s to keep the throat from drying up in a place where there’s a lot of smoke. As for drugs: a big NO!

Food: Eat anytime, anything you can get your hands on. I mean it!

Health: Whenever you get to feeling weird, take Bayer aspirin. I can’t stand taking all that other bull----.

Money: Always take a lawyer with you, and then bring another lawyer to watch him.

Defense: I can’t go around slapping people with my hands or else I’d go broke. So I take karate, and kick when I fight. Of course, I got plenty of guns – one real big one. But guns are for people trying to take your home, not some guy who makes you mad. I used to be a sheriff down in New Mexico for two and a half years, so I know not to pull it right away.

Cows: If they wanna play, and you don’t wanna make pets out of ‘em, and you can’t eat ‘em – then get rid of ‘em!

Women: If you wanna meet a nice young lady, then you try to smell your best. A girl don’t like nobody walking up in her face smelling like a goat. Then, you don’t say crap like “Hey, don’t I know you?” The first thing you ask her is: “Are you alone?” If she tells you that she’s with her boyfriend, then you see if the cat’s as big as you. If you don’t have no money, just smell right. And for God’s sake don’t be pulling on her and slapping on her. You don’t hit the girls! If you do this, you can’t miss.

Hearing: Just don’t put your ears in the speakers.

And here's Bo Diddley and his band at their best in 1965: